When I had Josh, I really didn't know I had choices. I didn't know I could ask for things. I didn't know I had any control.
This time, I know better. With this pregnancy, I've got a new doctor, a new hospital, and a new outlook. Now, some of that is kind of coincidental. The new doctor and hospital came about due to my last hospital closing their labor and delivery ward to save money.
At my appointment last week, I had the chance to talk to my doctor about my last experience. She assured me that none of my nightmare moments would happen this time. For starters, I’ll get my catheter after I get in the OR and get my spinal. Woo! I could have kissed her! But, as cool as she is, she kinda has that restraining-order-y look to her, so I managed to control myself.
She’s also made sure to tell me from my first appointment that I will be able to have either my mom or hubby with me in the OR. So, someone is going to get to hold a squishy, icky baby this time! Oh, and I’ll be able to see her. The doc told me that, usually, they don’t like people to wear contacts since they may have to be put under, but that if that was what I was comfortable with, we’d work it out, but otherwise, just bring my glasses back with me.
Despite it still being surgery, I’m not scared this time. I know what to expect. I know what’s coming, and how I’m going to feel afterwards. I also feel more comfortable being in this hospital. Guys, this place is awesome! Huge windows. Tons of light. It’s beautiful! When my mom and I went to take the tour, I was completely blown away! The volunteers that showed us around (and my OB) made sure to tell me every chance they could that Bobby would be allowed in the nursery, or anywhere else they take our daughter. She’ll never have to go anywhere without him.
When I double-checked with the volunteer about my mom and hubby staying in the room with me while I was there, she said, “Honey, this is your room. We’re not here to tell you who’s important to you.” I wasn’t surprised about them being allowed to stay, but when she also told me that they’d bring in another fold out bed for the other, I was grateful. At our last hospital, Bobby literally slept in the window sill, for 3 days, so that my mom could have the “loveseat.”
Before we left, she breezed over their visitor policy with us. We were allowed to have whoever, whenever, but that they’d all have to go through security. And it is not okay for someone to just catch someone coming out to get through the locked doors (yep, L&D is locked down). If we choose, we can register as private and no one will be allowed to tell callers or visitors we’re even in the hospital…
Now, this is something Bobby and I have thought long and hard over. We’ve decided that no one other than my mom, dad, and Joshua will be allowed in the hospital. I’ve known the exact date and time of my c-section for almost three months now, and there are only three people that know it. My due date is August 1, and that’s all anyone knows. We will be registering as private so we won’t have the circus in my room that we had last time.
This will also give me the time and the privacy to work with a lactation consultant. I had so much trouble last time, I want to have a little guidance this time, and having no one around is going to help a lot. I’ve got a great support team, I just need help. I want to make sure that I’m not going to have trouble breastfeeding before we go home, and luckily, I won’t have to be worried about some random person dropping by.
We aren’t telling anyone she’s here, and we’re not telling anyone right when we get home. We want to get to know her. We want Josh to get to know her and get comfortable with her. Whenever we feel comfortable, we’ll call everyone else. If someone gets mad over that, then oh well. This is going to be our time as a family. We’ve had a certain way of life for the last four years; we’re going to have to get comfortable with our new addition and the changes we’re going to have to make for her.
So, if everything goes as planned, my mom, Bobby, and I will go in the morning of my surgery, once I get out of recovery and into my room, we’ll call my dad to bring Josh up (since we live almost an hour from hospital), be home 2 days later, and a few days (maybe even a week) later, we’ll let everyone know she’s here. People will not be packing into my house playing “pass the baby,” but only a couple at a time. If she needs to eat, they’ll be asked to leave. If she’s asleep, they’ll be asked to come back later. I’m not going to be run over and pushed off to the side again. Bobby has sworn that even if I’m not feeling well, he won’t let anyone come over. He’s the kind of person that will take care of me, he doesn’t care who he pisses off in the process. Him and my mom stand up for me when I won’t do it myself, so I know I can trust them to take care of me, even when I’m too preoccupied.
This time, we have a plan in place. We have a good example (burned into our memories) of what we’re not going to allow to happen again, and maybe this time, we’ll have a much happier mommy at the finish line.
In case you missed it, check out my experience having Josh.