You Can't Always Get What You Want
Everyone tells you this, and believe it or not, there's a reason.
So, you want a peaceful night of hanging out and watching movies?
Nope, this is the night the kid has decided to drag every single toy he owns into the living room. In front of the TV. And talk about each and every one of them.
Yeah, kid 1, mom 0.
Fine. Right? You'll just go take a bath and hope he wears himself out.
So you run your bath. Hey, go ahead and add some bubbles while you're at it. You can't soak in there forever, but you may as well enjoy it, right?
Here comes the kid. Toting all of his bath toys for you to play with, despite your repeated protests. Oh, but you're not getting off that easy mommy. He wants to play with your bath with you.
Nevermind, he changed his mind. He'll just get in and play with his toys himself. So, much to your dismay, he strips off his dinosaur undies and ambles in, before your tired brain can process what's going on and scream, "STOP!"
So, you sit there in stunned silence.
"Mommy, move! You're sqooshing me..."
Kid 2, mom 0.
Fine. Angrily, you stomp to the bedroom, hair still dripping wet, plop onto the edge of the bed and sulk. At least bedtime's soon.
That's what you want right now. To just drift off into Jeremy-Renner-filled sleep. Well, that's me, anyway.
Oh, but wait!
That's the night that some ancient Myan demon possesses your sweet, sleeping child and makes him absolutely hate you for several reasons unknown to you, starting with the fact that you're mommy. And since you're responsible for every wrong in the known world, the only punishment fitting a horrible person like you is a well placed 3-year-old heel to the kidneys while he screams at the top of his well-exercised lungs.
And then you realize that nothing in this world will ever get you out of bed faster than a swift kick to the kidneys.
Keep in mind that this is all happening in the time it takes you to form the thought, "What the hell?"
This last for 3 hours.
Kid 3, mom 0.